Thursday, November 20, 2014

Reasons why I hate my parents:

How many of you have found yourself on the this side of the above statement. Everything in your life seems to be going perfectly, all but one little thing. This one thing, you can’t seem to move past, so you start asking yourself, why I am struggling with this? What is wrong with me? (whining voice is necessary) And RIGHT THERE is where you find your answer! This is my parents fault!

If only they had (fill in the blank) or, if they had not said (fill in the blank) then today I would be a perfect human being, living the perfect life. Those jerks! I am sure that you can make a list of things that you are unhappy with, and surely you can trace it back to your parents.

I, myself, have fallen victim to this trap. Why am I so shy, I asked myself.  Hmmm, let me think, well there was this one time I said something to my dad, and then he and everyone around me laughed! What I said was not meant to be funny....
Or, God why do I hate every single job I've ever had? Why do I quit time after time!! Wait, when I quit my fifth job, my dad laughed and didn’t act surprised, it was as though he was expecting me to quit. How dare he!!!
Or, why do I have self esteem issues? Wait a minute, my mother always talked about how big my hands were, and how big my back was, and how my sister had her narrow shoulders. Oh my god, it's all starting to make sense.

If only he had not laughed... today, I would have a fulfilling career! It’s my dad’s fault that I have stage fright, and because of him, I failed to become the famous singer I was supposed to be. Because of him, I am floating from one unfulfilling job to the next, and it is my mother's fault that I feel fat!And for these reasons, I hate my parents!

Of course this could not be furthest from the truth. I LOVE my parents and in my eyes they are the best parents anyone could ever ask for. But I won’t lie,  at times, when I have not been happy with my life, I sought out reasons to blame them. I searched and searched until I came up with the  examples you just read. But thank God, through various teachings I have realized that my parents are not to blame for the choices I have made in my life. After all, I was the one who chose to quit high school, instead of pursuing a career in music. I was the one that dwelled on the fact that now I was never going to work in music and settled for any retail job that showed up (in my twenties). And I was the one that compared myself to everyone in the world.

It would be ridiculous for me to blame them, because along with the above examples, my parents always told me they loved me, that I was beautiful and that the world was at my feet (in their own way of course).

Like most of us, it would be easy to trace back every single disappointment we've had back to our parents, but who would that serve? No one... And, besides, it wouldn't be true and you know it.
I speak of this topic as a daughter and as a mother. From both ends I can see how maybe some thing’s that parent's say, thought to be funny, may actually have long lasting affects.

My belief  is, that it's important not give anyone that much power over to other people, even if they are your parents. For if you do, you could remain stuck in the 'what if's' and in the blaming game.

I recommend you do this. Look at yourself in the mirror and admit that you've had some, if not most, of the doing in whatever it is that you're struggling with. By doing this, you will free yourself. This exercise will help you see that if you got yourself into this, then you can yourself out. Blaming others for your unhappiness will put you in a place where you are waiting for them to fix you. Putting things into perspective, will help you see things in a new light.

My advise as a mother is this, be kind with your words and with your opinions of your children, even if your words are intended as jokes, they may not understand, and your words could cause, in their eyes, irreversible damage.

My advise as a daughter, is move on, let it go, it's not their fault. Take control of your thoughts, and by doing so you will take control of your life.

Visit my previous blog post about What do you say to yourself it was inspired by Jack Canfield's formula, E-Event + R-Response = O- Outcome. This is the formula Jack Canfield uses to explain how YOU have the biggest influence over yourself.

Above all, let me say one last thing because I really do hate the title of this post! I LOVE MY MAMI Y PAPI!


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