Wednesday, September 4, 2013

What do you say to yourself?

Consider this for a moment. E-Event + R-Response = O- Outcome. This is the formula Jack Canfield uses to explain how YOU have the biggest influence over yourself.

This means that if you pay attention to what you say to yourself once the other person stops talking, you could possibly eliminate most disagreements from your life.

Jack Canfield offers an example similar to this.

Let's say someone calls you an idiot.
You can respond in two ways.

1. You can ignore what they said all together and tell yourself that they must be having a bad day.

2. You can engage in a very unpleasant argument.
Both of these "outcomes" had little to do with the other person calling you an idiot and much to do with what YOU said to yourself AFTER they STOPPED talking.

Let's give an example of the kind of thing you might have been saying to yourself after the other person called you an idiot.

1. Your inner voice: First, you laugh and walk away. You tell yourself that they must be having a bad day and you don't think about it again. The rest of your day goes just as planned and you have a beautiful and fun day.


2. Your inner voice: You give them a dirty look. and tell yourself, I'm not stupid,  I'm very smart. They need to speak clearly. They need to explain things better. Maybe I am stupid. Was I even paying attention to them. Is it me or them. No it is me. Maybe I am an idiot. I have a hard time following people sometimes. and so on and so on..... Without realizing it, this argument leads to more arguments with random people, the plans you had for the day totally change and now your day is ruined.

In either of these examples, the EVENT had nothing to do with the outcome. It was what you said to yourself that resulted in the OUTCOME.

Therefore, next time an event occurs in your life that seems to take you sideways, stop for a second to try and reflect on what just happened. Try to see if the outcome could have been different had you responded differently to the event.

Till next time my friends.

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