The big 4-0 Just a Number??

  Just a number???

Sure it is--in a way, but in another way it means much more to me. 

So yes, over the summer I had my 40th birthday and at the time I really didn't give it a lot of thought. It was just another number. After all, I didn't feel 40 so it didn't really matter to me. But now, a few months later I'm starting to analyze this whole 40 number. 

Lately I've been analyzing myself a lot, I've been trying to find myself. I know, I'm 40, I should know by now right??

But no, I don't. And I'm wondering, am I the only one? 

For me, personally, I believe it has to do with the fact that I started a family at 18 and therefore, had little time for self analysis. My life, thoughts and concerns were always placed on my family's needs, wants and desires, so now that I actually have the time for self reflection I'm not sure what to do with it. Too much thinking.

So for over 20 years my husband and I have been parents living the family life--carving pumpkins, trick-o-treating, going to the movies as a family, you know doing the family thing. And now that the kids are grown we find ourselves not really knowing what we should do on holidays like Halloween. So in an effort to be adults, not just parents, we went to a Jazz Festival in our town and what happened there really shocked me. Put it this way, I was crying on my way home.

Ok, so this is the scene at the festival, a bunch of adults hanging out having a good time with their friends, most with a glass of wine or a beer in hand . Others dancing, dining, just having a good ole time. And all I could think about was how much that wasn't my scene. I didn't want to be there amongst these adults drinking and dancing.

I just wanted to go home and do what I've always done-- hang out with my family.

But then, thanks to my husband's wise words I recovered from the madness . He suggested that in this new chapter of our lives we don't have to become people we are not. You see, we've never been the clubbing, drinking, partying types, so why start now. We don't have to change the things we like just because our kids aren't part of the "everyday" decisions.

So what to do:

1. We like being home, so be home... maybe have our friends over. Now that I'd like!
2. We like going to the movies-- so we'll do that :)
3. Explore new things.  And we won't force ourselves to do things we already know we don't like. (i.e. clubs)

So what's the lesson? The lesson is that no matter what chapter of life you find yourself in, chances are that you might experience some sort of change, but this doesn't have to be a bad thing.  All you have to do is be optimistic about what's ahead. But, most important, do the things you like, don't force yourself to be what you think the world expects you to be or be doing. 

Till next time :)